Years ago, before my son was diagnosed I read an article of a woman that has a little girl with autism. She was very angry with God- asking him why he put so much effort in making her girl so perfectly beautiful if he was going to mess everything up anyway. She felt she was being punished by God for something. A few years later I heard that same woman in a lecture and she said she feels differently now. She wasn’t and isn’t punished- she has been blessed.
As much as it is difficult to understand why and how- I coeternally agree with the second approach- I have been blessed. My special child is my special blessing. He is a gift from God and the reason I received him as that God knew that I will be the best mother to him and that I would be able to cope. And I definitely cope.
True, at the beginning I was mad and frustrated but then I looked at him and understood. He is my lesson in life. He is my mirror and my teacher. Instead of feeling frustrated when I look at him I feel proud. I seek for all of his positive points and abilities and show him how good he is- and how he can always be better. I help him with things that are hard for him and I don’t let him give up just because they are hard. Together we try, we work, we learn, we cry, we get mad and we try again.
I can’t ignore the disabilities and the weaknesses even if I try They are there even if I close my eyes and ears real tight. They are not a bad dream. He is not a bad dream, he is not a dream at all- he is my child. My special child.
When my son was diagnosed (at the age of 7 which is very late) I started writing. My private diary turned in to an information and inspiration notebook for mothers of children with special needs. I will keep on sharing our journey with a dream to reach as many mothers as myself as possible.
Chen Krupnik, A special mom.